February 2012
me: I should go shower now
(five minutes later)
(another five minutes later)
(yet another five minutes later)
(more five minute intervals)
someone: (goes into the bathroom)
me: wow fuck you I was JUST about to go take a shower
Woman: Can I have birth control?
Government: No.
Woman: I got pregnant because I didn't have birth control and I don't want the fetus. Can I have an abortion?
Government: No.
Woman: I gave birth to my child but since I wasn't expecting it, I can't afford daycare. Can I have help paying for it?
Government: No.
Cousin: Did you seriously take 2 of my light bulbs out of the bathroom yesterday
Me: It was way too bright nigga, seriously I've never been in a bathroom with such ridiculous lighting, I was casting a shadow with the door shut
Cousin: Yea I guess you're right but who the fuck does that
Lana, How I Hate Those Guys: Chris Brown Accused... →
markykinz:
stateyourown:
cheeri0sanddentalfloss:
stonedpervert:
Chris Brown has been accused of angrily snatching some girl’s iPhone outside a nightclub in Miami this weekend … and driving off with it — law enforcement tells TMZ. A rep for the Miami Beach PD tells TMZ,…
no him not being in prison has nothing to do with the fact that he’s a celebrity, people really need to...
burnexclusivebaby:
blowhan:
Confirmed: Lady Gaga’s next album to be titled “In My Shade”, track list as of now is:
In My Shade
Your Wig Looks Better on Me
The One That Leaked
Penthouse Pussy (You a Motel Six Pussy)
$227. Million
I Know I Look Good † I Just Woke Up
The Twitter Queen
No Red Carpet (The Ballad of Kelly Osbourne)
Pretention Is My NME
You a Motel 6 Pussy
I died
Bless the Mexicans, bless us
Jen: Hey it's going to be a snow day tomorrow so I'm making tamales with my mama
Me: That means I need to be at your house at what time americana?
Jen: I need you at like 12 o'clock sharp!
Me: I just have to stop at Hallmark and get your parents a 'Thank you for coming all the way from Mexico' card in the morning and I'll be over
Jen: oh eme hey there are going to be like a truck load of beaners here tomorrow and a few white gay boys, best snow day ever
^ This is happening.. I'm finally getting some quality food that isn't from a restaurant 15 minutes away, so glad I don't have to drive in the snow for a fix
yo, yo Vancouver, im really happy for you and imma...
They’re still overrated lol even their goalie is a dick
Oh and hey Detroit (not the team, the city) way too many Vancouver fans at the Joe tonight, let’s work on that okay.. Call me Gary Bettman, but I do not like Canadian hockey.
Oh and Canucks, I know you’ve got a great road record, but Detroit also happens to own the streak for CONSECUTIVE ROAD GAMES with 12.. so,...
